Chivalry is dead coz yall turned us into metrosexual freaks

The cliché nowadays goes tall dark and handsome which code is really for can cook, gets a many Peddy has rock hard abs and lets me spend his money with quiet abandon. Yes this is the man that every present-day lass longs for, should we blame it on sex and the city, the plethora of soaps they watch or the Kool-Aid

served up by the talk shows they have imbibed on since they were eight years. All I know is that the Victorian version of chivalry has not survived the test of time. So it’s no wonder that when we get into bar brawls she is the one standing on top of the counter stiletto in hand defending her now inebriated version of prince charming, before he gets the life clobbered out of his drenched skull by a humongous wallop who lifts weights all day as our knight in shining cuticles is paper-pushing in one of the many office blocks in upper hill.

When it comes to raising children the modern-day knight is lost because he has become so inseminate the best thing he can do is put his son in front of NETFLIX

or worse E! And let him learn what the celebrities are up to, he himself cannot kick a football without calling the wrath of a hamstring upon himself, so he settles next to his boy and reads a copy of True Love or GQ magazine just to catch up on what is expected of an Alpha male of his caliber. If by any chance his mother visits from shags with a chicken as they usually do, he will be hard-pressed to put the poor animals out of its misery, the last thing he remembers killing was a mosquito that threatened to spoil his perfect skin that he had just come from having peeled at the salon. So when grandma comes with a chicken from shags off Booi is sent to the caretaker or ‘soldier’ to come and take the chicken from its life.

To be honest, the caretaker/watchman is the only man who has stuck to his African heritage in this Boi’s whole court. I mean he has his choice of all the bevy of ladies in all of the houses(read house technicians), he eats to his fill from the various houses, trims hedges shirtless and washes Bois car with zeal, to top it off he sleeps in the different bedroom ensuites you pay for while you push paper at some nondescript office.

Let’s leave his tale for another day, won’t we? This is the tale of the demise of chivalry so next time y’all complain about the lack of bravado in your menfolk just know it is by your own doing that we have become so.

MY TWO KINGS OF THE MEAD

They come staggering or crawling back home every dawn or dusk or just gives up by the trench near the gate, it's my prodigal one and his father; my two kings of the mead, they have been binge drinking today, it must have been a good day at mungetho, Saturday's usually are, it's when most women need water fetched others fences trimmed and gas cylinders refilled. Today was particularly special, it was the last Saturday of the month, and the beginning of a new semester for the "comrades" and 'fresher's' at the local university so open season it was. Nobody knows how to ferret out a coin than an alcoholic at six in the morning. Snout to the ground, ear to the wind dragging at a borrowed fag as if it was the last piece of tobacco on earth, he looks out for that all-important haunt that will be the vehicle to his removing his "lock" and then he is good for the mid-morning loiter.

I needed My prodigal to oil the gate today he was mteja most of the day sleeping under the mango tree. He and his bum father pass out so often on this contraption that welcomes you to out derelict compound I am of the mind to get some of the tents from our IDP days out and elect them by the gate for the convenience of my two kings of the mead, for when they come back home late at night singing preemptive dirges full of the grog. I thought the kasober program from our deposed governor would help my two kings, but the bottle & shit slingers at the local government proved to be that much stronger.

I wonder what will become of my name, my beautiful name, will it disappear with the mound of dirt with which they will hurriedly cover me with once the maggots call out my number. This wretch of a prodigal doesn't seem like he could sway a mangy dog to lift a leg up for his entry.

I wish like his biblical equivalent he would leave my sight already find his way into someone's pigsty in the middle of the night and that he makes acquaintance with a blunt farm tool or two, truly he has proved to be the product of his father's loins and purveyor of grief for his mother. Now as I while away my time singing requiems I contemplate him and his sire to their graves at least my death by a thousand vexing knives will have been hurried along and easily forgotten after they become dunes for me to lay wreaths upon and pretend they are what they once were; a son and a father whom I once held dear and not the two rabid zombie dogs that they have become and that need putting down. Maybe then and only then I might be able to salvage what was left of my long-gone sanity long gone at the behest of my two kings of the mead.

ALCOHOL MY FIRST LOVE

Dear Grants, I feel you have abdicated in thy duties as the midwife to the annihilation of all that is emotional in my being. I beseech you in all thy inebriating wisdom to maintain my drunken stupor lest that tutu clad Greek myth called cupid pays me homage and never drags his carcass out of   the curcles of my heart yours truly the Sir.

From history its witnessed that partakers of this ooh so feared and revered elixir have given the world some of the best results from Davincii, Michelangelo, to Plato all partook in some form of "substance abuse" and I use abuse loosely the way I deem it they were just releasing themselves to their creative whims but man fears that which he has yet to partially put a speck of comprehension on. 

So my friend foes, detractors & you who has yet to make up their mind on what to make of me I deeply and with deep conviction urge you to indulge your every fiber in that which makes you feel aroused awake and make every minute above dirt worth it. Indulge indulge mother of love please indulge your hedonistic ways for you only have this life and maggots beyond it.